“Nice Guys Finish Last”- The Epic Tale of Nosa!

Err….Tsup people?

howz errybody doing tonight?

We still having the very inportant and slightly weird discussion as to why nice guys finish last.

So before we get to the “socking blowing” story from @ itzEDK, let’s hear it from my boy @tshyka. He’s telling us a short story bout Nosa tho’.

So once I read this story somewhere and it taught me to be wise and now, I’m gonna share with you too so you can be wise.
Once there was this guy(let’s call him Nosa) who met this very eye-pleasing lass and he felt he really liked her and in fulfillment of his deepest fears, she had a boyfriend who wasn’t just a normal guy but a really bad guy. The type whose presence in a movie would be heralded with a very metallic rock theme, he was scared, very scared like he ought to be so he stayed away.

One day she came crying to him and told him of how the very bad guy with the conscience of hitler had accused her wrongly and with the presence and brutality of the trio of bruce willis, Floyd mayweather and (fill in your own very bad guy character here ——-) had hit her and she was never going back to him.
Well, like we all know; a shoulder to lean on automatically translates to a free ride on the D-auto. I mean the possibility of its occurrence in any random situation is raised to the power of infinity.

So what does this guy do, he offers her a bottle of soft creamy liquor and she drinks it, all of it and gets drunk. Now after pouring out her heart to this guy what does he do? Kiss her all over, strip her and get in from the back door till the D becomes her most cherished nightmare? No he doesn’t. Instead he covers her up in a duvet and pets her to sleep! She wakes up in the morning mad at herself for sleeping over at his when she wasn’t even touched. What nonsense!
Now he goes over to a friend and narrates the episode of the night before to him, this friend fakes sympathy for the girl and offers to offer friendly help, so a meeting was arranged and they met. Now this new guy offers to be a personal shrink to the girl and give her advice at no cost but insists she comes over to his.
Honoring the invitation, she goes over to see her “shrink” and after quoting some googled lines to her, he offers her cream alcohol to drink, this time she’s drunk again but instead of a duvet cover over her, she got a durex covered D inside her. When she woke up in the morning, she went ballistic as usual, but guess what the shrink does, he brings out a video of her asking to blessed with the RAMnation of the D and photos of her doing the temperature test with the D-thermometer. She’s left without words to utter. Now the shrink tells her that the cost of keeping the videos and pictures a secret would be her coming back every three weeks for a D-camp experience which she faithfully adheres to till date.
But I know about it right? And now you do too which means a party didn’t keep to their words-not like he had something to loose though.
But my point is the first guy could’ve have been the one getting all this P-bonus, but no! He’s mad at the shrink who obviously didn’t let his “Ego” shrink at the sight of a drunk cutie. Guess who carried last? 😀

We all know the niccuh’s pervy! So let’s just go with the flow.
—————————————————————-

And finally, here’s the D thatz gonna do something to your awfully smell feet.

@itzEDK!

Why am I here? It smells like scented olives. The couch is so plush, taking in my whole body form. The sun’s rays through the stained glass flood the room, giving it a soothing glow. I may never get up. Then I hear it.

“Nosa, let go of my leg, I can’t do this any more.”

Linda’s soft but stern voice echoed in my head. Almost immediately, I hear another voice. Raspy but soothing.

“Nosa, you have a lot more to gain if you help me to help you. You’ll get over this.”

How could I? What the fuck was Dotun talking about?! What did she know?!

“Guy, see as that boy for just dey fall my hand.”

“Omo, na love be that? Na guy like me dey hold girl leg for this school so?”

I could hear them as they walked past. Idiots. People just don’t mind their business!

“Welcome, please enter your secret number.”

This was our spot. Every time I took the short stroll from Hall 4 to come and see Linda, I always asked her to come to the ATM machine at Hall 1. Little did I know what the universe had in store for me; what she had in store for me.

—————————————————————

HRH PRINCE OF GUAP: 07:38pm
PING!!!
Baby
Whatchu doing tomorrow evening?

MzNuBooty: 07:39pm
I’ll be in my hostel waiting for you boo
Waiting for you to come spoil me.

HRH PRINCE OF GUAP: 07:41pm
Sure thing!

————————————————————–

She smelled so good. She looked so good. That was Linda. Always looking sexy as hell. I. had been saving up for today for two months. I had set out that morning, ditching classes, and borrowing an extra 3k from my hommie, Ayo. Niccuhs always looking out for a brother. Got on a bus at main gate, I was going to get the best gifts money could buy for my Linda – at least that my money could buy; all 10k of it.

————————————————————-
NOSA MD: 10:48am
Sweetheart
PING!!!
Baby

MzNuBooty: 11:02am
Sup?
What is it na
Don’t u know I’m in class?

NOSA MD: 11:03am
Sorry my love
I just wanted to remind u of our date tonight.
We’ll go chill at Uche’s room at DQ after

MzNuBooty: 11:06am
K

NOSA MD: 11:06am
I love you so much baby

MzNuBooty: 11:07am
U 2
—————————————————————

I had it all planned out. The perfect Valentine’s night. I was finally gonna get with my girl for real! She’d always told me I was the one she’d lose her virginity to and tonight was the night.

After giving her the gifts, we were gonna go to Mat Ice for a quick bite and head over to Uche’s room in DQ to spend the night. Uche was my real niccuh! The realest in the history of realest nicuuhs. Letting me use his room while he spent the night with his cousin at medical hostel.

“Bros, that your babe dey enjoy you oo. Na she get all dis one so?”

“Baba, today na today oo”

My loquacious bunk mate Dele went on about how he couldn’t spend that much money on a chick he wasn’t banging. Stupid boy. Like he’s ever banged anything. Smelling virgins steady toasting fellowship sisters. But I just knew tonight was gonna be all sorts of AWESOMES!!!

___________________________________________

@itzEDK’s a very busy plonker, running around doing her laundry and shii. So we’re gonna have to be a lil bit in “suspense” for the last part of “The Epic Tale of Nosa”

*dust shoulders*

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“Nice Guys Finish Last”

Tsup people?

Itz Naija Dude again,

Being reading my books for quite a while now and I’m effing tired buh I still gat enough strength to *dust shoulders*

So last weekend I was opportune to watch a classic movie for the 7th time. Itz one I’m very sure y’all must have seen and loved,

The Mask!

Craay movie, yh?

What?

Are you serious?

You actually haven’t seen The Mask?

I hereby bestows hitler’s shame on you!

You’re obvious a Nazi with socialist inclinations!

You’re not worthy to bear the name “human”.
Lemme talk to better people jwo, as I was saying, the movie was awesome, aproximately 60 mins of hilarious shii……after all that tho’ a phrase jim carrey used in the movie stuck in my head.

“Nice guys finish last”

Those words were thought provoking peepz,buh my brain cells were on the fritz (blame it on too much tv) and I just couldn’t bring myself into beginning an exploration into the bottomless pit that is that 4 letter sentence so I decided to do a lil sampling, you know as e dey be na, forget ooh, I be correct scientist, I can define biology, physics and chemistry. Dem neva teach us maths own sha.

Random sampling: the selection of a random sample; each element of the population has an equal chance of been selected…well the sampling ain’t gonna be that random tho’

So I got 3 of ma real gees to work on this with me, it gonna be a 2 post exposé, this being the first,containing thoughts from the world renowned @punstarr and the world famous @oVunderkind. The second is gonna be a story guaranteed to knock your socks off by the Blaqest Red Devil @itzEDK.

Wanna know why I’ve refused to express an opinion on this? Cos my thoughts are just too twisted and explicit to be written! guaranteed to blow your phones,laptops or whatever weird device you may have opened this blog with.

Here goes tho’; coming first from a world renowned blogger…..benin renowned at least sha, @punstarr

The Green Zone!

Nice guys dey carry last because they are in the GREEN zone. Please do not mistake this for an Eco-Friendly zone as this has nothing to do with bed warming or global warming. The Green zone is the “friend zone” or “Please help me pay my internet subscription zone”.They want something from the female but they’re too nice to tell her because, “She will think I’m rude”, but we all know that girls like the bad boys. She will prefer to go and worship the “bad boy” and complain to the “nice guy” about how bad she’s been treated.

*Sigh*

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Niccuh @punstarr be right, then she go come meet me dey complain say all guys are the same!
May Olokun seal your cesspool of a mouth shut with celestial superglue,
Wen me with my cool glasses and nerdy swag dey carry you go buy freshbite popcorn every evening?

Let’s move on joor, next contribution’s from from the maddeningly talented @oVunderkind

The Curious Case of the Finishing-Last Nice Guys

A wise man once said, “nice guys finish last” (I assume it was a man. I also assume it was a man who happened to be wise. Don’t question me, earthling!) Since then, those words have permeated through society, and we always know the nice guys finish last.

But what do the words mean? Who, exactly is a “nice” guy? Is that overtly fair-skinned dude with the overlapping pimples and watery eyes framed by horn rims the “nice guy”? Let us take a walk down ancient history and read ancient wisdom from the Bro Code.

A Nice Guy, by my definition (what did I say about you questioning my judgement?) Is one who is too considerate about the woman’s “feelings” (like they had any of that) that he dallies in making his opening move. The nice guy is the one that walks her the long distance home after class. He’s the one who helps her with her assignments when she’s lagging behind. Heck, the nice guy gives her his cardigan in night class while he reverts to “icicle” mode!!!!

Nice guys don’t finish last because they are nice. Nah. Rather, they finish last because they suffer from a congenital defect. Medically, it’s referred to as “Acrophobia of the Scrotum”, a case where the testicles are so scared of heights, they never drop. and when your testicles never drop, you can’t exactly grab life by the balls. Basic learning, really.

This is why they finish last. It’s a condition, and not something they should be embarrassed about. Heck, if there weren’t that many “nice guys”, Christ, how would we have gotten laid?

@oVunderkind’s blog be kicking at The gods must be Pregnant

P.S: watch out for the sequel for @itzEDK, maybe tomorrow, or the next, or the upper one,maybe next week sef…..just keep watching out sha!

*peaceout*