When Oga “Naija Dude” told me about this piece he wanted me to write I didn’t even think about it, I just said yes and now its been two days and still no inspiration.
Anyhow here I am under the influence of cough syrup (notice I said cough syrup and not codeine?? Yeah that’s because its prescribed and shit…haha) and jazz and I have no idea what to write, so I’m just gonna “wing it”.
The idea behind this article is basically “what is it with Nigerian girls that make them the least romantic in the world?” Right now, I have no idea but hopefully as we go on this journey we’d both find out, is that cool? Yes? No? Psssh! Who cares?
Now let’s start from the beginning (a very good place to start and all). Why are romantic gestures made?? Personally I think its to prove our love to the receiver of such gesture.
Now if we take this understanding of romance and apply it to our society we’ll find out that us, Nigerian girls are never actually required to prove our love.
In the days of the old when wishes were granted and animals could speak it has been said that women had no say when it came to the matter of love, if they felt it no one knew or even cared. Back then if a man wanted a bride he would line up seven (I don’t know the exact number but 7 seems cool) fair maidens and pick the one he decides is the fairest of them all ( snow white, anyone?) Then after he makes his decision he would seek her father’s approval and that’s it! Done did it! Itz ova! He has a bride.
Now if you followed the chain of events leading to the union, you’ll find that there is no way for the girl to “prove her love” to her man, all she has to do is stand there and look pretty.
Now let’s fast forward a little, say to the 60’s and 70’s now during this era, women had a little more say in their love lives, I think its during this time that the feminist voice became not only heard but acknowledged. Now in the west, women of this time used their so called “liberation” to pay for their dinner, have a career, participate in certain sports e.t.c but in Nigeria what do we get?? A bunch of women demanding to be wooed instead of standing there looking pretty, now it was the time for women to do the choosing, they would string along dozens of men, looking for the handsomest, kindest, sweetest, richest, did I mention richest? Yes, the richest men, that would take them “overseas and buy them diamond ring and do things they won’t believe” and these men that are able to do these things for them are chosen to be the father of their kids.
Now again, if you followed the chain of events leading to this union, you’ll find out that once again our women had no need to ever prove their love.
Let’s fast forward some more, to let’s say, this generation. You’ll find out that the females of this generation are from the loins of these 60s and 70s women, women that were wooed with the biggest bush meat and thickest george wrapper. Now do you expect these women of super vaginas and incredibly high standards to let their daughters have any less?? Oh no you didn’t!!! The other day I was complaining of a heart break almost getting a bout of depression and my mother goes “its boy matter that’s making you behave this way?? Hmmm you are no daughter of mine, in my days…….” She went on for quite a bit about how she was a hot piece of ass and how many bush meat she got, I zoned out after an hour or so. According to her, men were supposed to make the grand romantic gestures, they are the ones supposed to be heartbroken for not being manly enough to win the girl”s affection, basically all I could understand from what she said is “stand there and look pretty” (sounds familiar anyone??). So while my mates are showing their lovers how much they love them with luxury cars (Kim k anyone?) And luxury watches I’m here, “standing there and looking pretty” hoping to snag myself a hot piece of rich ass.
Now that we are done with the courtship aspect of this article, let’s focus on the relationship aspect. We’ve been taught by our friends, elder sisters and sometimes mothers that the only gift we can give to our men is our bodies. Its the only way to prove our “love”. Say its our husband/boyfriend’s birthday, how do we tell him happy birthday? We take our clothes off, or they buy us something pretty, how do we thank them? We take our clothes off. Now it has even become an expected and almost compulsory gesture, say your man gets a raise in the office, what does he hear in the locker room? “Man you gon get some today” or ” man you gonna get lucky tonight”. This tried and tested “reward” for good behavior has been a part of our society for so long its become a tradition and it works or else it wouldn’t have lasted for so long.
Now you say not all romantic gestures has to be big and “out there” the little things count or the thought behind it, is what matters. An example of a small romantic gesture, say, breakfast in bed, if your significant other brings you breakfast in bed what’s the first thing that pops into your head?? This is romance?? Haha! I think not!! The first thing that comes to mind is “this is her duty”, if she should wash and iron your clothes, you think “its her duty” she tidies the house for your return, you go “its her duty” she buys you nice clothes you go “I work so much I barely have time, its her duty to take care of me” she programmed your favorite show “its her duty” you go again. Now in the west these little gestures are actually considered romantic but over here “its just her duty”.
Now unto big gestures if a woman should take her man on a luxurious vacation in Nigeria , do you think people would go “so romantic” or “na she dey spend for the man body?? Yup! “Na she dey spend for the man body” is totally the reaction you’d get, some men might even find such gesture emasculating. Or a woman does something like write her man’s name on the side of an airplane what reaction does she get “poor woman, so desperate, last last the man go still fuck about”. Now why on earth would you think I’d go out of my way (with the way the economy is) to do something and get that type of reaction, when I can just stand there and look pretty??
Well I think I’ve got it guys!! Nigerian women are not romantic because we don’t know how to be and mostly, we are not expected to be.