Professor Niro XVII

There are three people that you should not forget in life: the man who brewed your beer, the man who chilled the beer and the man who served the beer. – Sir Pun Starr 2013 AD

On that note, you’re welcome to today’s edition of the annual Naija-Dude Scientific lecture. I am your lecturer for today and we are going to be testing the hypothesis, Nigerian girls are the most unromantic of the female species. Unfortunately, your professor today, is a professor of theology, so we’re going to church. *rings Terry G’s bell*

Before we go on, let’s first create a common ground for the understanding of key terms as it were.

A Nigerian is someone of Nigerian descent (from the republic of Nigeria), whether male or female, living in Nigeria or diaspora.

The word female originates from Old French femele, from Medieval Latin femella (“a female”), from Latin femella (“a young female, a girl”), diminutive of femina (“a woman”).

Just so you know, the English spelling was remodeled under the influence of male, which is not etymologically related. With this definition of mine, I hope, I have been able to prove to you without reasonable doubt that the adage, “What a man can do, a woman can do better”, because they are not even related.

According to a famous biologist, a female refers to the sex of an organism, or a part of an organism, which produces non-mobile ova (egg cells). Most female mammals, including human females, have two X chromosomes. He went further to state that a female [pronounced as fee-meyl] is a person that bears two X chromosomes in the cell nuclei and normally having a vagina, a uterus and ovaries, and developing at puberty a relatively rounded body and enlarged breasts [See how he cleverly excluded A cups] and retaining a beardless face; a girl or woman.

Since we have created a common understanding of what a female is, can we now define the word romance? *turns around looks at lecture hall*

I can’t even lie, the only idea of romance I know, is of Shakespearean plays; I don’t know what that other romance is, as I am still the executive vice chairman of National Council for the Prevention and Protection of Team Forever Alone Members, Rivers Chapter for 3 years running K

The dictionary (can’t remember which of them again) describes the word romance as fanciful; impractical; unrealistic: ideas. Nah. I’m serious. It even went on to say that it is a scenario in which traits of a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc. with ONE person are most dominant. [See how they clearly omitted double dating?]

@oprite: But we were told romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love. (@pwetiefibbs cuts in)

@pwetiefibbs: Yes, I read somewhere that romance usually implies an expression of one’s strong romantic love, or one’s deep and strong emotional desires to connect with another person intimately or romantically, that is, the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love.

Sigh.

I know I didn’t ask for definitions, but seeing that we are in this class to learn and share ideas, I think I might just borrow a few things from the definitions these ladies have offered.

Do you know that during the initial stages of a romantic relationship, there is more often more emphasis on emotions—especially those of love, intimacy, compassion, appreciation, and affinity—rather than physical intimacy. Please note PHYSICAL INTIMACY. In other words, if all you can offer a boy is your body, you’re not romantic… except the boo is a ritualist, then fine. Can we go on?

@ThelazyMedic: Wise one, why do you say Nigerian females are not romantic?

I’ve not said so yet… but to answer this question, can we turn our bibles (tablets for those of you digital kids) to the thirty and first book of Proverbs, and read from the tenth to the thirty and first verse? I’m reading from the Contemporary English Version (CEV)

I’m going to assume that the female in question is not a P, more like, she’s the official boo… Here we go.

10.  A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find! – A romantic Nigerian female is the most precious treasure a man can find.

11. Her husband depends on her, and she never lets him down. – Can your boyfriend/husband trust you with his money to purchase a FIFA13 game without cutting the money for that watch you’ve had eyes for? Rarely.

12. She is good to him every day of her life, – What this means is that, she respects UCL and EPL time. She understands that he’s busy when a Manchester united game is on and she brings him his favorite beer at half time.

13. And with her own hands she gladly makes clothes. – This doesn’t apply to tailors/seamstresses, but how many Nigerian females will see the boo’s torn shirt and bring out her Singer™ sewing machine to stitch it up? Scratch that, how many Nigerian women have home sewing machines or know how to spin a yarn? [yes, I did Home Economics]

14. She is like a sailing ship that brings food from across the sea. – Let’s replace sea with kitchen. How many of you, know how to stand in the kitchen and would not be like my ex that will tell me, “I will sweat if I cook” and instead prefer to eat at a fastfood. Now they are acting like they don’t know they’re the reason KFC came to Naija. *smh*

15. She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and for her servants. – Long thing. Now most of them will be forming “feminist”, when they wake up in the morning, before the oga of the house will even have his bath sef, they’re already swearing in traffic. Sigh. Go on

16. She knows how to buy land and how to plant a vineyard, – Did you see that? She can buy land if she has the money and won’t wait for oga to ‘bring moni’ and when she buys the land, she goes ahead to make an ‘ugwu’ farm. How many of you girls do this? How many?

17. and she always works hard. – In the bed.

18 She knows when to buy or sell, and she stays busy until late at night. – She has the gift of foresight, she is intelligent and spends her late nights working on powerpoint presentations instead of twitpicing nudes.

19 She spins her own cloth, – How many of you naija females make your own ‘buba’ material? None.

22 She does her own sewing, and everything she wears is beautiful. –

26 Her words are sensible, and her advice is thoughtful. – She thinks before she makes statements like, “I cannot wash my boyfriend’s clothes or cook for him”

27 She takes good care of her family and is never lazy. – She does not wake up on a Saturday morning and tweet, “Today I don’t feel like doing anything”.

28 Her children praise her, and with great pride her husband says,

29 “There are many good women, but you are the best!” – This means she does not have low self-esteem. You do not get long hair, you import from Brazil; you do not have long eye lashes, the USA will not have peace etc

He who has eyes, let him see… and if you’re already ‘hating’ on a brother, please read 1 John 3: 15 (KJV)

Are Nigerian females unromantic? Mathew 7: 1-5 answers it.

@Punstarr

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Professor Niro XVII

  1. Good Post Niro – As Usual . I Do Believe Nigerians Generally Are Unromantic Tho. Not Only The Females.

  2. Good one. Very good one. You should do one for the guys to be on d fair side. Cos ofcos we hv our own wahala too. *thumbs up*

  3. Niroooooooooo oooo, u just making ♏e˚°°°˚˚ laugh here o¤ buh itz kinda true sha! Boys aint romantic too (˘̯˘ )

  4. Beautifu piece,gud one son *ds few days u manage go church,e clear*……I tink @oprite is intelligent*winks* okaybye

  5. Nice, really nice.

  6. Awesome.

Leave a Reply to michael Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s