The Naija-Dude’s Hypothesis

True Story.

True Story.

*cue heroic music please*

* climbs stage*

Err….yea, you may start applauding now!

Thank you!

Another beautiful day people. The heat is killing me tho’ and if I have to introduce myself one more time here then you’re the first Nigerian to be diagnosed with the dyslexia/ADHD combo, as prescribed by that mama you refused to help fetch water the last time you visited the village.


It’s really gonna be an hectic week, starting with me forgetting the fact that I’ve got a crazy ass test this week and the fact that I’ve just received a call to notify me that I’ve gat not just one but 2 tests and also a madt practical too. Please note that these academic chores all have something wrong with them psychologically. The amazing thing about this all is the fact that despite the fact that I’ve got scary things to read for, I’m still taking out time to write this.

This brings me to my current location which subsequently lead to the formation of the hypothesis. I’d like you to bear some things in mind.

1. An hypothesis is a proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation.

2. This is not a symposium to castigate the Nigerian woman, we’re simple here to find out if she’s really without that in built receptor for romantic signals and vibes and if she isn’t, why?

The idea for this came last night, this Naija Dude was sitting in one of the mundane lecture theaters dem law people seem to have round their faculty, trying to study for a test when I “overheard” the conversation between two girls behind me.


I wasn’t eavesdropping!

……Like really I wasn’t eavesdropping!!

…………Just to clear any wrong impressions you may have, I wasn’t eavesdropping!!!

Moving on, the cute one’s “toaster” had apparently written her a poem on a rose colored paper and if that wasn’t enough, had made the unforgivable mistake of presenting it to her in the presence of her cronies….In this 21st century!

Like seriously dude? *hangs a big “L” on his neck*

So I sat there cringing at the amount of insults and curse words this two innocent looking babes are directing at this poor guy. If wishes were horses, then a very delicate part of his anatomy would get head-butted by a stallion. Not an almost smiling happily ever after mild horsy peeps, I mean a crazy lassa fever stricken, mad cow disease infected and elephantiasis of the balls infested stallion.

Yea, these girls are that… for lack of a better word; innocent.

So this has got me thinking, are the female variants of the Nigerian human species that immune to ROMANCE?

The guy had obviously put a lot thought and work into writing her that poem, even to the point of buying rose colored writing paper.
If we are to go by the many romance movies and novels the same girls devour in huge quantities, one would expect her to be sitting at a window ledge at the moment, back lit by the oh so huge moon, holding the letter close to her heart and thinking bout le poet.


This little tableau has led me to believe that Naija gals are not moved by what they feel and rather by what they see, want and need… does that make sense to you? Lemme just state the hypothesis.

The Naija Dude Hypothesis:

“Nigerian girls are the most unromantic of the female species”

I’m sorry you think I’m being to harsh. You see, Valentine’s is around the corner and the guys have got to know what to do and how to handle the intricate delicate loop that is the feminine sensibilities.

So for the next few days, I’m gonna have me some learned folks, a few esteemed professors and one particular disgraced and ridiculed Doctor of philosophy.

The aim of having the said poor academicians visit is to prove or disprove the hypothesis I had stated above.

Yesterday I was opportune to write the script for a radio show that came out awesome by the way, the show was all about love and how would you love to propose or be proposed to. So why writing the lovey-dovey fairy tale I knew everybody wanted to hear, I couldn’t help but think that the most romantic way of proposing to a Nigerian girl is to hand her a Ghana-must-go chocked full of money with your right hand, the keys to a Range Rover Sport with your left and fling the ring on the red earthen floor. Trust me she would scrabble for it.

On this note, I welcome you all to the first official Naija-Dude Symposium and I hope you have fun and also learn a bit while reading the subsequent posts.

*humble bow*

*Roaring applause*

*beht of cos…itz the NaijaDude*


6 thoughts on “The Naija-Dude’s Hypothesis

  1. 9ice stuff dude….sori I commented late doe….but I tink dere r still a few good women out dere n we just need 2 find dem…or maybe dey find u

  2. (˘̯˘ )ʃ Please, nigga. There’s romantic, and then there’s lame. That poem thingy was lame and pretty damn cheesy. And I take offense to that range rover sport and money thing. Not all girls are after that. Who have you been moving with? You need to change your circle of friends. $0.02

    • @shade: maybe you’re one of the few good ones left, buht take it from a guy that’s being around the block,Majority of naija girls are just like that. And bear in mind its still an hypothesis. Let’s see if the writers can prove it.

    • The fact that you think the poem thingy’s lame just almost proved my point! Wah ever happened to “its the thought that counts” and the strength of the gesture and all that shii? As for the RRS and money thing I’m glad you said “not all”…..cos most are.


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