“Nice Guys Finish Last”- The Epic Tale of Nosa!

Err….Tsup people?

howz errybody doing tonight?

We still having the very inportant and slightly weird discussion as to why nice guys finish last.

So before we get to the “socking blowing” story from @ itzEDK, let’s hear it from my boy @tshyka. He’s telling us a short story bout Nosa tho’.

So once I read this story somewhere and it taught me to be wise and now, I’m gonna share with you too so you can be wise.
Once there was this guy(let’s call him Nosa) who met this very eye-pleasing lass and he felt he really liked her and in fulfillment of his deepest fears, she had a boyfriend who wasn’t just a normal guy but a really bad guy. The type whose presence in a movie would be heralded with a very metallic rock theme, he was scared, very scared like he ought to be so he stayed away.

One day she came crying to him and told him of how the very bad guy with the conscience of hitler had accused her wrongly and with the presence and brutality of the trio of bruce willis, Floyd mayweather and (fill in your own very bad guy character here ——-) had hit her and she was never going back to him.
Well, like we all know; a shoulder to lean on automatically translates to a free ride on the D-auto. I mean the possibility of its occurrence in any random situation is raised to the power of infinity.

So what does this guy do, he offers her a bottle of soft creamy liquor and she drinks it, all of it and gets drunk. Now after pouring out her heart to this guy what does he do? Kiss her all over, strip her and get in from the back door till the D becomes her most cherished nightmare? No he doesn’t. Instead he covers her up in a duvet and pets her to sleep! She wakes up in the morning mad at herself for sleeping over at his when she wasn’t even touched. What nonsense!
Now he goes over to a friend and narrates the episode of the night before to him, this friend fakes sympathy for the girl and offers to offer friendly help, so a meeting was arranged and they met. Now this new guy offers to be a personal shrink to the girl and give her advice at no cost but insists she comes over to his.
Honoring the invitation, she goes over to see her “shrink” and after quoting some googled lines to her, he offers her cream alcohol to drink, this time she’s drunk again but instead of a duvet cover over her, she got a durex covered D inside her. When she woke up in the morning, she went ballistic as usual, but guess what the shrink does, he brings out a video of her asking to blessed with the RAMnation of the D and photos of her doing the temperature test with the D-thermometer. She’s left without words to utter. Now the shrink tells her that the cost of keeping the videos and pictures a secret would be her coming back every three weeks for a D-camp experience which she faithfully adheres to till date.
But I know about it right? And now you do too which means a party didn’t keep to their words-not like he had something to loose though.
But my point is the first guy could’ve have been the one getting all this P-bonus, but no! He’s mad at the shrink who obviously didn’t let his “Ego” shrink at the sight of a drunk cutie. Guess who carried last? 😀

We all know the niccuh’s pervy! So let’s just go with the flow.

And finally, here’s the D thatz gonna do something to your awfully smell feet.


Why am I here? It smells like scented olives. The couch is so plush, taking in my whole body form. The sun’s rays through the stained glass flood the room, giving it a soothing glow. I may never get up. Then I hear it.

“Nosa, let go of my leg, I can’t do this any more.”

Linda’s soft but stern voice echoed in my head. Almost immediately, I hear another voice. Raspy but soothing.

“Nosa, you have a lot more to gain if you help me to help you. You’ll get over this.”

How could I? What the fuck was Dotun talking about?! What did she know?!

“Guy, see as that boy for just dey fall my hand.”

“Omo, na love be that? Na guy like me dey hold girl leg for this school so?”

I could hear them as they walked past. Idiots. People just don’t mind their business!

“Welcome, please enter your secret number.”

This was our spot. Every time I took the short stroll from Hall 4 to come and see Linda, I always asked her to come to the ATM machine at Hall 1. Little did I know what the universe had in store for me; what she had in store for me.


Whatchu doing tomorrow evening?

MzNuBooty: 07:39pm
I’ll be in my hostel waiting for you boo
Waiting for you to come spoil me.

Sure thing!


She smelled so good. She looked so good. That was Linda. Always looking sexy as hell. I. had been saving up for today for two months. I had set out that morning, ditching classes, and borrowing an extra 3k from my hommie, Ayo. Niccuhs always looking out for a brother. Got on a bus at main gate, I was going to get the best gifts money could buy for my Linda – at least that my money could buy; all 10k of it.

NOSA MD: 10:48am

MzNuBooty: 11:02am
What is it na
Don’t u know I’m in class?

NOSA MD: 11:03am
Sorry my love
I just wanted to remind u of our date tonight.
We’ll go chill at Uche’s room at DQ after

MzNuBooty: 11:06am

NOSA MD: 11:06am
I love you so much baby

MzNuBooty: 11:07am
U 2

I had it all planned out. The perfect Valentine’s night. I was finally gonna get with my girl for real! She’d always told me I was the one she’d lose her virginity to and tonight was the night.

After giving her the gifts, we were gonna go to Mat Ice for a quick bite and head over to Uche’s room in DQ to spend the night. Uche was my real niccuh! The realest in the history of realest nicuuhs. Letting me use his room while he spent the night with his cousin at medical hostel.

“Bros, that your babe dey enjoy you oo. Na she get all dis one so?”

“Baba, today na today oo”

My loquacious bunk mate Dele went on about how he couldn’t spend that much money on a chick he wasn’t banging. Stupid boy. Like he’s ever banged anything. Smelling virgins steady toasting fellowship sisters. But I just knew tonight was gonna be all sorts of AWESOMES!!!


@itzEDK’s a very busy plonker, running around doing her laundry and shii. So we’re gonna have to be a lil bit in “suspense” for the last part of “The Epic Tale of Nosa”

*dust shoulders*


8 thoughts on ““Nice Guys Finish Last”- The Epic Tale of Nosa!

  1. Stories like this always sounds better when itz from the writer’s personal experiences. Glad you’ve realised the error of your ways mahn!

  2. Bring the shit on!!!!!!!!

  3. True talk victor……beta of as a writer’s experience….

  4. That first story though *tears*

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