As darkness fell over Sapele that Friday evening, it met five dudes in very high spirits. After a month of hard, back-breaking work courtesy UNIBEN/UBITS, we were finally gonna take a night off and go for some sight-seeing…*scratch that*….lemme be honest joor, we were going to PAKUROMO KO JO DADA!
Location: Songhai-Delta, Amukpe
Events: very eventful
By 9pm sharp we were all geared up and ready to go. Body dey hot, but as we all know, that was way too early to go to a club; except sey we wan go help them sweep and wash tumblers. So we decided to chill out at Mama Sheddy’s joint close by and “do one for the road.”
FACT about the average varsity dude still having problems knowing his limits: expose him to an unlimited supply of alcohol and mehn you berrah get ready to take him home, undress him, bathe him and then rub his back when he cries for mummy!
As you may have already guessed, our so called “one for the road” metamorphosed into about “five for the road.” Life was good! Truth was, we had even forgotten that we were supposed to be going somewhere until it popped into everybody’s mind at the same time! Yeah, alcohol does that to ya. Plenty alcohol!
Anyway, the time was close to midnight when an impromptu argument broke out. Some of the dudes led by Ayo wanted to call the cab, while I was adamant that we had to wait till exactly midnight to call the cab. Apparently, if the time wasn’t exactly midnight, the world was gonna end and I could already see the demon holding a hot red poker in his hand… *sigh* What can I say? By 12:45, we were on on our way to the club.
Another FACT about your average varsity dude; once he starts drinking, it’s pretty hard to stop… until he HAS to stop!
Anyway our self-acclaimed Kola had decided that stopping at 4 bottles was an insult to his personality and lineage because according to him, he come from a proud line of drunks and drug addicts(no comment pls). So he got himself a bottle of vodka, which he refused to share(so we all just had to get ourself a bottle each…the small one sha oo), and nursed it all the way to TM International Urhobo Nite Club(yea….seriously, that’s the best we could do).
I’m gonna admit this one time and one time only, we were pretty out of it. Our first surprise was at the gate. Apparently you had to pay to enter a club in Sapele(who the hell does that?!). But trust UNIBEN boys na! You say pay wettin?
After working our magic on the bouncers… you no fit go UNIBEN make you no sabi washee na… we had made a couple of huge and highly muscled pals, we were free to enter the place *2face’s voice*
That’s where we met surprise numéro deux. The club was packed full of babes. Everywhere! For every dude there, there were at least three UNATTACHED cool looking babes. THREE!!! Apparently, Sapele babes love to party. Mehn, after all those Hall 2 car park grooves, you know, the ones where three guys go dey follow the babe dance while another three wait their turn….yeah those! Sapele was different. This was quite a treat!
Now, FACT about the average UNIBEN dude; he acts superior, most times feels inferior and is 9 outta 10 times broke.
We turned our swag a notch higher, strolled into the club like we were in charge, grabbed a booth, sat down, ordered a round of the Ultimate… and that was when all hell began to break loose.
Lemme fast forward a bit… »»»
An hour later…
Our very own Kola was fast asleep on one of the club’s couches, and his bottle of the Ultimate had being appropriated by one niccuh like that…*shrugs*, he had evidently reached his limit, exceeded it and decided to use it as a beacon of hope as he crossed the Atlantic in his dreams, and err… his hair was being braided by the chique he had been talking to *shrugs again*. As he had refused to wake up and I had better things on my mind, I left him and went downstairs, bought a plate of grub, which was pretty expensive. As I was about to sit, Ayo walked in too, clearly alcohol-addled brains’ pathways fired alike.
Best. Mozing. Ever!
My hommie was sitting across from me, munching on his fried rice when he suddenly decided to have a closer relationship with the plate. Really! My niccuh was sleeping, with his head lying on the mound of fried rice, a bottle of Fanta by his side. I did what any good friend would have done. I reached across and collected his piece of chicken, bottle of Fanta, moved to the opposite table and pretended not to know him…
Shit! the niccuh just walked in….